Caloric Breakdown of a Bachelor Party

On the verge of a much anticipated weekend down on Lake Norris every guy is asking himself one question....How many calories am I going to put away at this bachelor party? Well Chris Wiedmar is no exception so I decided to do a little math for him. I put together a rough estimate of the food and beverages that will be consumed during a typical guys trip to the lake.

ON THE LAKE:
-6 Cheeseburgers: 2,700
-8 Hot dogs: 2,856
-Bag of Ruffles: 1,190
-3 Liter of Faygo: 1,641
-1 Liter of Bacardi O: 2,244
-27 Bud Heavys: 3,996
-11 Shots of Tequila: 1,067
-8 ounces of Margarita Mix: 200

IN KNOXVILLE:
-10 Cranberry and Vodkas: 1,700
-Strip Club Mixed Nuts: 174
-6 White Castle Cheeseburgers: 1,020
-White Castle Cheese Fries: 410
-White Castle Chicken Rings: 530
-10 White Castle Mozzis:1,470
-Large Big Red: -459 (the birdman will be calling dinosaurs with one sip of big red which will take calories out of his body, this will be the healthiest thing he does all weekend.)

BREAKFAST ON THE WAY HOME:
-2 McDonalds Hash Browns: 300
-McDonalds Hot Cakes w/ Syrup: 700
-Mcdonalds Sausage Egg McMuffin: 450
-Large Coke: 310

Caloric Intake: 22,519

Facts:
*Chris' breakfast on monday will have less than half the calories then his drunken grubfest in the knoxville white castle.
*There are 3,150 calories in 90 Totinos' Pizza Rolls
*Through out the trip Chris' average daily caloric intake will be around 7,500; normally his daily caloric intake should be around 2600-2800 calories.
*Mozzis are dope.

Food Guide to Church Picnics

Summer church picnics are gearing up and as the Wiedmar family gears up for Ascension weekend in the spot light I thought it may be appropriate to discuss the "Dos and Donts" when getting down at your favorite parish.
DO...
everything it takes to win the cake walk early in the night, the later it gets the worse the selection and before you know it you will be stuck with the fig newtons that someone dumped on a plate. Dibs on the Funfetti Cupcakes.
Don't...
eat dinner before you get to the picnic. Times are tough for these churches and they need to sling some grub to pay the bills. Go see Frank Wiedmar behind the counter tonight, he will fry you up something real nice.
Do...
tip the church if you are hitting it big at the blackjack table. If your conscience hasnt kicked in yet just realize that every time you are a winner winner chicken dinner you are taking money straight out of the churches pocket. If you hit it big take enough out to cover your beer and food then throw the rest back into the pot.
Don't...
invite your public school friends. Last time we went to the Ascension picnic some of our public schools friends nearly forced Chris' Alma Mater to lock its doors for good. Ben Chessler walked away with about 7 grand after learning how count cards and Beau Beckman was stealing corn dogs.
Do...
avoid the games that offer produce as a prize. I mean really, the last thing I want after the big wheel finally lands on my number are sack full of cantaloupes.
Don't...
look directly into the eyes of any high school. If you between the ages of 14-16 and at a church picnic chances are you are about to brawl. They dont really care who its with, back in '01 I witnessed a 15 year old birdman work over a grown man in front of his 3 kids. Brutal.

Have a good weekend

Flabbys opens it's door again, all is right in the universe

Big news on the Germantown front, local landmark Flabby's Schnitzelburg is open for business after a significant hiatus. Check them out at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Flabbys-Schnitzelburg/107032659318565. They still offer all you can eat wings and fries on tuesdays so stop on in and say hi to our man chris wiedmar as he puts down 2 to 3 baskets then rushes to get home.